The Most Common Reason Toddlers Keep Pooping in Their Pants — And It’s Not What You Think

For many potty training toddlers, pooping in the pants is a form of poop withholding — not a behavior problem.

By Jen L’Italien, Certified Oh Crap Potty Training Consultant with 9+ years of experience, specializing in poop withholding and potty training resistance. This content contains affiliate links, which means I may make a commission from shopping from these links.

He refuses to poop in the toilet. He’s regular and predictable but consistently chooses to poop in his pants instead of sitting on the potty…

This is a common message in my inbox from parents, who typically started potty training months (or even years) ago. 

If your toddler is peeing on the potty just fine but keeps pooping in their pants, underwear, or the floor —  you are not alone, and this is not a behavior problem.

As a potty training consultant, this is one of the most common poop struggles I hear from parents. And while it can look confusing, random, or even defiant from the outside, what’s usually happening underneath is a physical issue — a form of poop withholding.

Accidents in the pants are not always accidental.

It’s not a lack of understanding.

Very often, it’s a style of poop withholding.

💩 If you’re new to the idea of withholding, I explain it more fully here: What Poop Withholding Looks Like in Potty Training.

“We’re struggling with poop in pants. My son hates to stop playing to go potty… why is this STILL happening?”

One of the most frustrating parts for parents is that their toddler often fully understands what they’re supposed to do.

Parents tell me things like:

• “He can explain that poop goes in the potty.”

• “If you ask her where poop goes, she answers ‘in the potty’ every time.”

• “He’s pooped on the potty before — plenty of times.”

• “I can’t get him to poop in the potty consistently.”

• “She has no shame or embarrassment around it.”

• “He’ll poop a little in his pants and then finish on the potty.”

• “She doesn't say or show she has to poop and doesn't get distressed when she poops in her pants. This has been going on for months since we started potty training.”

• “He poops in his underwear. He doesn’t seem aware that he needs to poop or that he’s pooping.”

Many parents try rewards, bribes, and role modeling — and still the pattern of accidents continues.

Instead of sitting down and fully releasing, the child:

• Poops standing up in their pants

• Squats in a corner or “finds a cave-like spot”

• Lets a little poop smear out, then stops

• Tells you after the poop has already happened

• Gets extremely upset if you try to move them to the potty mid-poop

  
  

From the outside, it can look like potty refusal.

Some parents see clear distress, poop signals, and anxiety come up for their toddler.

That’s a more obvious version of poop withholding that can look like this…

• "She cries when we mention the potty."

• "She fights us when we take her diaper off in the morning."

• "He has an absolute panic attack when we scoop him up and run him to the potty." 

Why Poop Accidents Often Happen at Daycare or Preschool

You don't need a magic 8 ball to predict this poop pattern:

If your toddler isn't pooping effortlessly on the potty at home, then you're WAY more likely to see poops in the underwear when your toddler heads back to preschool or daycare.

My inbox regularly fields messages from parents of preschoolers who are dealing with some version of pooping in the underwear at school.

If you've tried removing the underwear and pants to stop the poop accidents, that's the Poop Fix — and that's a solution that doesn't work at preschool or daycare. For obvious reasons...

Your toddler can't be half-naked at preschool or daycare.

So parents often feel stuck on what to do when their child is pooping in their underwear at school.

• “She often tries to hold in her poop and won't tell her teachers when she has to go. Instead, she just poops her pants. She freezes up while playing, and they have to catch her acting funny.”

• “She keeps pooping her pants at daycare. She has 1-3 accidents a day and all are poop.”

• "The poop accidents mostly happen at daycare. They use gentle reminders and a sticker chart, but he just keeps pooping in his pants at daycare."

This preschool poop problem is especially common for kids who hold poop at school or daycare and release the poop later at home in the evening. 👉 Here's more on seeing poops in the pants at preschool or daycare.

The transition to preschool diaper-free can be sticky for toddlers who have been in a pattern of pooping in their nap diapers. If your child's preschool requires them to be in underwear all day, it's common to see the nap diaper poops turn into naptime poops in the underwear.

And that's a poop pattern you don't want to see on repeat.

Why your reaction doesn’t fix repeated accidents

One of the most stressful moments for parents is catching their child actively pooping in their underwear or pants — especially when it keeps happening.

It’s natural to wonder:

Am I reacting the wrong way? Am I making this worse?

Should I be more positive? We've tried cheering her on!

What about a negative consequence? Nothing seems to work.

The most important thing to understand is this:

Pooping in the pants is a form of poop withholding.

That makes it a physical issue — not a behavior issue.

Because of that:

• Rewards don’t fix it

• Consequences don’t fix it

• Re-explaining “where poop goes” doesn’t change the pattern

Trying to talk, reason, or bribe a child out of withholding often increases the feeling of pressure around pooping in the potty — which actually makes releasing poop harder.

At the same time, when pooping in underwear keeps happening, it’s also not something to simply ignore or normalize.

Over time, frequent partial poops in the pants and a toddler poop smearing in the underwear can become the child’s default pattern. And when that happens, families often start to see:

• More frequent accidents

• Incomplete poops, poop smearing, or poop turds

• Constipation develops over time

• Stronger resistance around poop

This is the uncomfortable middle space many parents get stuck in:

You don’t want to shame your child.

You don’t want to ignore the problem.

And you can feel that waiting it out isn’t helping.

That’s because withholding isn’t resolved by a single reaction, phrase, or a potty training trick.

It’s a process — and one that typically takes weeks, not days, to unwind.

Getting support for poop withholding

Pooping in the pants is one of the most common withholding patterns I help families with — and it typically takes more than one quick trick to resolve.

👉 That’s why I created my Poop Withholding Plan.

This pattern doesn’t resolve with quick fixes or sticker charts. It takes time, pattern recognition, and consistent support — which is why the plan includes a full month of 1:1 guidance where we're talking to each other on the walkie-talkie app Voxer to work through what you are seeing.

If this post feels uncomfortably familiar, you’re not doing anything wrong — and you don’t have to figure this out alone.

👉 Learn more about my Poop Withholding Plan here.