How to Help Your Child Release Pee in the Potty (When They're Holding It In)
- Jen
- Nov 23, 2020
- 9 min read
Updated: May 22
Inside: Toddler holding pee during potty training? Here’s why it happens — and how to help your child relax and release pee in the potty (even the “camel” kid who holds all day).
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When Potty Training Turns Into Holding (Not Accidents)
High-pressure first days in my life tend to start the same way. Tight shoulders. Nerves in the belly. A forgotten exhale.
Basically? I’m in a state of holding.
And that’s exactly what happens with some toddlers when you take away the diaper.
They hold their pee. For hours. Until nap. Until bedtime. Until the pull-up.
The good news: this kind of potty training roadblock is common. And with the right approach, it’s fixable.
Why Is My Toddler Holding Pee?
When I first started as a potty training consultant, I assumed the biggest problem would be accidents.
But over and over, I saw something else: kids holding their pee instead of releasing it in the potty.
Sometimes it's because they had an accident and now don't want to mess up again. Other times, they just don’t want to let go. They might even look like they're being stubborn—but it’s usually anxiety.
And when anxiety takes over, the sphincter muscles tighten and lock things up.
Feeling anxious is physical. It’s not a behavior to correct. It’s something to support.
How to Make a Toddler Pee (Especially If They’re Holding It In)
If you're Googling "how to make toddler pee instantly" or "how to make a toddler pee," you're probably feeling a little desperate. (You're not alone.)
Think about how it's felt when you've been on a roadtrip and can't find a rest stop soon enough to get to the bathroom and pee. While you're waiting to pull off the road and get to a bathroom, it feels SUPER uncomfortable, right?
That escalating pressure to pee does not feel good to us grownups or potty training toddlers, either.
Consider what happens once you arrive at a rest stop, dash into the bathroom, and find a free stall? The pee doesn't flow out right away. It often takes a second, even though you were just at the bursting point of holding in your pee with all your might.
That's because of your sphincter muscles.
When there's a higher pressure to pee, it takes some effort to get those sphincter muscles to unlock and release. Jamie, (author of Oh Crap Potty Training and Oh Crap I Have a Toddler), shares some helpful release tricks for the child who's struggling to release pee, if you're starting out in potty training and want to help your child naturally release the pee.
Here are 3 gentle and effective tools I use with clients to help toddlers release pee when they’re stuck in the holding zone:
1. Use Water Play to Trigger a Pee Release
Warm water helps relax the sphinter muscles that control urination. Try:
A warm basin of water your child can dip hands into while sitting
A magic bath book that changes color with water
Splashing with stacking cups
The water relaxes the body and gives the brain a gentle signal: it's safe to release.
That's why I love this magic bath book that changes color in water. Super fun and something your child could do while sitting on the potty with a basin of water.
I love this color-changing bath book because it combines something fun and distracting with water play, such a win-win when you're trying to see some pees in the potty in the early days of potty training.
Here's a peek at what it looks like!
2. Open-Mouth Breathing (aka: Blow It Out)
Think pretending to blow out birthday candles, blowing through a straw, or even blowing bubbles while your child is sitting on the potty. It also gives you something fun to focus on besides the pressure to pee
Anything with that open mouth shape is one way to open and unlock those sphincter muscles (something you may have heard in preparing for childbirth.)
You can try teaching your child some playful ways to breathe to help relax and settle down, so you're more likely to see a pee or poop. Visuals help for young kids. For example, in the picture book, Alphabreaths, the author shares how to do a Cake Breath or a fun Alligator Breath (and the illustrations are so sweet!).
The beauty of learning playful ways to breathe is you don't need any *stuff* with you. You can be in the library bathroom and remind your child of the Butterfly Breath or Flower Breath that she learned with you.
3. Distract Without Screens
Screens might bring on a pee, but they short-circuit awareness.
Here's why. If a tablet or phone helps to bring on a pee, your toddler will likely be unaware that they even peed because they'll be so absorbed in the the show or video that they're watching.
That's not good.
In fact, screen time brings on such a subconscious release of pee, that I even recommend setting it up as a potty rule soon into potty training, so that you don't see accidents.
You want your toddler to connect with feel pee and release in the potty.
That connection to I'm Peeing and releasing in the potty is what you're looking for so that your child learns that I Have to Go Pee feeling we look for in Oh Crap Potty Training.
The other problem that I've seen come up with some parents I've worked with in private consultations is that they've found a screen does help to bring on a pee with their toddler.
But you CAN'T pack an ipad for daycare or preschool.
This is important to remember! You don't want to use a trick that can't be transferred to daycare or preschool or other caregiver situations. That's how you can get stuck.
If the screen becomes the pattern, you'll need to break that pattern at some point.
Think about all the places and times when you won't be able to pull out a screen to help your child pee. So it's best to start off with using a tool that you can use outside the home, that you can pack for daycare, if your child needs a little crutch in the beginning to help relax and release the pee.
I've been loving interactive books (like Let's Play, Press Here, and Say Zoop) to help kids sit longer on the potty and release pee and poop. And in my personal consultations with clients, I've seen books help as a tool that then gets packed up for daycare.
That way, your child has that special book to feel more confident in the new-to-your-child daycare bathroom, because he got all the pees in the potty with that same special book/toy at home. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Play to the power of magic at this age.
If your child FEELS like the special book or small toy helps them pee in the potty with you at home, that helps build up confidence. And that book or small fidget toy can be used as a transition tool for heading back to daycare or preschool diaper-free.
Transitional objects are super helpful with potty training!
What kinds of interactive books can help?
Look for books where your child can follow along on their own, without needing you to read the words to them.
You can start off reading a few favorite books over and over on those first days of potty training at home.
And then your toddler won't need you to read it to them when it's more of a doing book (like a slide-and-see book for toddlers.)
Other distractions to help your child release pee in the potty in the early days?
Playdough (which can also help with normalizing pooping in the potty) 👉 If poop has become part of the problem too, here’s what to look for with poop withholding.
Stacking cups (especially paired with water play)
Funny books or songs to relax and laugh (check out Laurie Berkner for giggles, and this picture book shares her popular dinosaur song lyrics as a book!)
A balloon breath to help exhale and release tension
What to Do When Your Toddler Sits on the Potty but Won’t Go
If your toddler sits on the potty but won’t go, they’re likely feeling unsure, anxious, or disconnected from the body signals that tell them it’s okay to release. This is super common at the start of potty training—especially with kids who are eager to get it “right.”
Focus on low-pressure connection (water, breath, or books), not performance. That’s what helps unlock that pee release.
What If My Toddler Still Won’t Pee on the Potty?
First, consider the intensity.
A child who holds for a couple hours and then pees with a little dancing is very different from a child who holds for 6+ hours and only goes in a diaper.
If you’re researching something like "toddler holding urine for 12 hours" — that’s a sign you’re beyond the early holding phase and into true pee withholding. That’s when it’s time to reset or get 1-on-1 support.
The more extreme the holding, the more likely you’ll need one-on-one support or a reset plan. Why?
Because holding can escalate into fear, and gentle tricks may no longer work.
That’s why I offer the Withholding Plan for parents stuck in this spot.
Why the First Pee Release Matters
Each pee release reduces anxiety and builds confidence.
More releases = less pressure = potty success.
Even if it takes some trial and error, the key is helping your toddler learn: this new way is safe.
Once you start seeing all those pee releases, how do you help see those pees release in the small potty (or big potty with a potty insert)? It can be a process. Don't forget to celebrate the small wins as we're not expecting perfection in the early days of potty training.
You may even notice your own tension easing up as the pee starts flowing more easily.
One release sparks another, and another. For your child, and even for you.
FAQ: Why Your Toddler Won’t Pee in the Potty (and How to Help)
Q: What causes a toddler to hold their pee?
Usually, it’s not behavioral. It’s a mix of body tension, fear of the unknown, and not feeling safe letting go without a diaper. 👉 Poop withholding is often part of the picture too. Here’s how to spot the signs.
Q: How long can a child safely hold their pee?
Some kids can go 4–5 hours, but holding too long can be uncomfortable and risky. If your child is regularly distressed or dry all day, seek help.
Q: Is it okay to let my toddler use a screen to help them pee?
Screens may lead to subconscious pee releases, which don't help your child connect feeling with action. Instead, try interactive books, bubbles, or water play for awareness and repeatable results — especially at daycare or preschool (where your tablet is not allowed).
Q: Will water play really help my child pee on the potty?
Yes! Water can help relax the body and trigger the urge to release. Pairing water play with potty time can make a big difference in helping your toddler get comfortable releasing pee out of a diaper (into a potty).
Q: Do you offer personal help?
If pee release continues to be a struggle despite gentle support and play-based tools like water, it may be time for a short reset or 1-on-1 potty training support.
I work with parents on exactly this kind of challenge through my Withholding Plan.
Q: My toddler is holding urine for 12 hours — is that normal?
No. Holding for 10–12 hours regularly (especially with distress, withholding body language, or avoiding the potty entirely) may signal fear, anxiety, or physical tension. This is when it's best to consider a reset or a personal consultation to get targeted help.
Q: Can I use screens to help my child pee?
Try not to. Screens may work, but they break the mind-body connection. Use tools your child can take to daycare or use anywhere.
Is your toddler stuck on releasing pee on the potty? Sometimes a few pee releases aren’t enough to turn the tide — and that’s where I come in. My "Withholding Plan" is a 1-on-1 support option where we tackle the stress and hesitation around using the potty together. Think of it like a reset button, with a certified potty training expert in your corner.
👉 Click here to learn more and book your spot — because no one should have to navigate potty anxiety alone.
